Living for ME (Some Personal Things..)

Yesterday was a heartbreaking day for me.. not gonna lie.

Not only did I lose my boyfriend, but I thought I lost my best friend as well. Although I'm holding up alright, the emotional pain is still crushing me somehow.

But... he mentioned something to me yesterday that I never really quite discovered about myself until he actually mentioned it, and while I was sitting alone in my house yesterday, I found a great opportunity to really ponder on it some more. And I came to a conclusion.

He mentioned that I need to stop making plans based on other people and make them for myself; do what I wanna do. (If I could emphasize the I more.. I would.)

Yeah, it sounds repetitive, but as I thought about it, I realized that I have been making that a huge habit in my decision making lately. And he is right. I have been doing that, even with the most important decisions of my life.

So here's what I did:
After I calmed down, I grabbed a piece of paper and drew a line down the middle. On one side, I wrote down the things that I wanted in life that were very dear to me and were of no influence of anyone. Then on the other side, I jotted down the things that I was going to do that were of influence of other people.

You all are probably thinking I'm a little lame for doing this, but just hear me out, this does work, and I encourage you all to do it too.

One thing I put down that has been influenced by other people was going to college. In all reality (just being truthful here), I never really wanted to move away and go to college. I thought I would change my mind later but in my heart it hasn't really changed. I don't wanna move away and get a degree I may not be able to use.

What I really want is to get my degree online.

I wanna get my Bachelor's degree from Full Sail University in Audio Technology and get my degree at home. The recording technology I would get from the school I get to keep when I finish my degree and I would like to use it to make my music at home and be an independent musician. I wouldn't have to pay for housing, meal plans, books, or travel to school. I would get to work at my own pace. That's what I REALLY want. I thought I could just go to Multnomah University for a year and then transfer, but I really don't wanna move far away from home.

Just to summarize, what I really want in life is to be an independent musician and record my music at home; do some local shows. I don't wanna be some famous person. I wanna find a man whom I'll spend the rest of my life with and start a family of my own. That's really all I want in life. I feel horrible that I just let the influence of other people affect what I really wanna do and I was afraid of disappointing people. But what I came to realize is that it's not their life; it's mine, and what I wanna do is up to me.

I can honestly say despite all that happened yesterday, I have been really blessed in other ways, finding a summer full time job and graduating high school in June. Being at home has been a blessing as well. The support of my family and friends have been huge in my life right now.

I'm done trying to please others when I need to do what is gonna make me happy. This is my future, and I only have one life. I wanted to share this with you all who read my blog on a pretty regular basis because it was something that has been on my heart for a long time. I'm graduating high school in June; after that, I'm free to do what I want to do with my life. This is what I REALLY want.

Thanks for taking the time to read this..

Peace.Love.Happiness.Smiles
SammyJane <3

It's NOT About Me!

Hey everyone, I know I haven't posted anything in a while.

But oh man, God has been doing some awesome things in my life!!
Not the point of this post though. I wanna share a little something with you all.

For the last couple days, I've been reading this book called Radical by David Platt. THIS BOOK IS INCREDIBLE!! It's been one of those books that is like the Bible kinda: you read a bit and you have to really soak in what you just read.
There is a section in here I wanna share with you all that really stuck out to me. Read this:

If you were to ask the average Christian sitting in a worship service on Sunday morning to summarize the message of Christianity, you would most likely hear something along the lines of "The message of Christianity is that God loves me enough to send his Son, Jesus, to die for me."

As wonderful as the sendiment sounds, is it biblical? Isn't it incomplete, based on what we have seen in the Bible? "God loves me" is not the essence of biblical Christianity. Because if "God loves me" is the message of Christianity, then who is the object of Christianity?

God loves me.

Me.

Christianity's object is me.

Therefore, when I look at a church, I look for the music that best fits me and the programs that best cater to me and my family. When I make plans for my life and career, it is about what works for me and my family.When I consider the house I will live in, the car I will drive, the clothes I will wear, the way I will live, I will choose according to what is best for me. This is the version of Christianity that largely prevails in our culture.

But it is not biblical Christianity.

The message of biblical Christianity is not "God loves me period," as if we were the objects of our own faith.The message of biblical Christianity is "God loves me so that I might make him - his ways, his salvation, his glory, and his greatness - known among all nations." Now God is the object of our faith, and Christianity centers around him. We are not the end of the gospel; God is.

OK, If I could just write down the whole entire book for you, ugh, that'd be awesome because it is such an amazing book. But... you'll just have to read it for yourselves.

I thought I would share this with you all because lately I have been dealing with an evil demon called Selfishness. We usually encounter this thing quite often in our lives.

What Platt is trying to say is so true, and what I love is that he is not beating around the bush on this subject at all; we are literally selfish about a lot of things, including how we want our "perfect" Sunday service. We want the right music, we want the sermons to be what we wanna hear. Even in our daily lives we do this. We're make decisions based on what we want. What about what God wants? I know I don't think of these things when I'm making some life decisions. Sure, it may seem all cool and well, but is it what God wants me to do? Is it glorifying God in any way? Probably not.

Sounds a little selfish in my opinion.

But anyways, I just wanted to share what was on my mind. I wanna know what you think about this. Leave a commentary on my comments! =)

Peace.Love.Happiness.Smiles.

SammyJane

Note: Exerpt from Radical, Platt, David, Multnomah Books, 2010, pages 70-71

New Life Northwest 2011

"But what was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of know Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."

Philippians 3:7-9

During this week, I got to go to a camp called New Life Northwest in Washougal, WA with the amazing youth group I attend. 

WHAT A LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE!!!!!!

What's so amazing about this week was that I experienced something completely different in my relationship with Christ; something I have never been able to feel before and was waiting on experiencing it for the first time. 

I felt God's love for the first time.

Now, some of you reading this may be a little bit confused, so let me explain some things. 

Before I came to New Life, I had doubts on whether Jesus Christ really did love me. With the past events that happened in my life and some stress about the future running through my head, I was doubting God's grace and love for a little while. I would say that I love Jesus, but I said it and never really meant it. 

For some who know who Bob Witte is, I have to say that this awesome guy played a HUGE impact on my transformation. I never heard him speak at a rally or a camp before, so I was really excited, and I soaked up what he had to say. 

You know how God uses other people to get a point across? God used Bob Witte. If you ever get a chance to hear Bob Witte speak, you are in for a treat. ;)

Not only did Bob Witte inspire me, but everyone there inspired me as well. The youth, the adults, everyone! I have thought I would get so close to most of the people, and get to know their stories and know them as people. I watch them get baptized this week. And I may end up seeing more of those people get baptized as well later in the future. 

I was also challenged this week. There was the emotional part every night of surrendering and letting go of all of my "baggage" in order to fully let Christ into my heart. And there was a physical struggle after I was re-baptized. 

Yes, I was re-baptized on Thursday, August 11, 2011 at a beautiful waterfall near Washougal. The only problem was the water being so cold I went into an anxiety attack. BUT... I have no regrets; I don't feel it was a "mess-up" baptism. I'm so glad I did it, and I'm glad I remember the actual baptism part. I overcame and I'm getting well after what happened. And I had the help of God, and some amazing Christians to help me back to camp. I don't know exactly who all was there to help me, but THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! 

I am so inspired. I had a lot on my mind before I went to New Life, and I did come home with a new life. 

I put down the passage in Philippians because hours before I got baptized, I read it, and I wrote in my journal about it, and I would like to share it with you all. 

"Everything that I thought was more important doesn't even matter. It never mattered. What I was considering was more important than Jesus is actually utter nonsense. What I was doing instead of worshiping and praising the Lord is not going to help my relationship with God. 

This is my surrender to Christ Jesus. I surrender all of my worldly ways to be with Christ. I am not perfect, and I will fail Him sometimes, but He loves me and I love Him. This love is in no way perfect, but that doesn't mean that we can't have and experience it. Jesus is giving us that love and grace when we do not deserve it."

I will probably share more of my experiences as I continue to post more on my blog, but I wanted to share it with you. I wanted to share my life-changing experience. I wanted to share what was happening to me, and what God is doing in my life. And you don't even need to go to a camp to experience that. 

Philippians 3:7-9 is my surrender to Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God. What about you?

Peace.Love.Happiness.Smiles.

SammyJane <3

 

Taking Advantage of Being Home

This week, I have been taking advantage of staying home before I go to camp on Sunday. I left one day to go to youth group (I needed more info on the camp), and then it was straight home again. But I will say that staying at home isn't so bad right now. I like to consider this a "fast" from traveling to many places; I will admit, I'm saving a lot of money this week.

So, I've been knitting like crazy! Trying to get some projects done before my Spokane's Got Talent audition, and before school starts. I won't have any time to do any knitting during camp, so I gotta get as much done before I leave on Sunday. And I have been kicking butt at getting them done.

Oh boy, Spokane's Got Talent is around the corner again. And no idea on what song to even play!!! Yeah, I have been stressing out on it, and I've been also trying to come up with an idea when I'm not knitting, and still nothing. It's kinda driving me up the wall and I don't wanna put it off until last minute. This is my last year auditioning before I go off to college next summer. It would be awesome to get into the top 16 this year, but only God will decide that. And even if I don't get into the top 16, I'll still have other opportunities to play my music.

Blogger Mobile: WHO HAS ANY IDEA ON HOW TO EVEN ACTIVATE IT???????? I have been trying for months to get it to work through text/mms messaging and it's not working for me at all!

I just found out today that I only have 3 weeks until school starts. And, well, I'm not too excited about it. Yeah, I'm gonna be a SENIOR this year, but I'm just ready to graduate. People have told me that senior year is gonna be your best year, but who knows. I wish I was as excited as most people to be a senior, but in all reality for me, I wanna go to college. But, I do only have 180 school days left. I guess that's pretty exciting in a way.

It just seems weird that I only have this school year and then this next summer, I'm getting ready to leave for college, in possibly San Diego! It's a pretty scary thought, but I'm excited! I'm really excited to start college and work my way towards being a music/youth minister! It seems so far away but it's really not!

Yeah, there's quite a bit going on in my life. More than what I thought.

Peace.Love.Happiness.Smiles.
SammyJane <3

Dear God, Thank You!

Last week I received a letter from my friend Thomas. 

Some of you know that Thomas was my boyfriend of 4 months until we broke up, but we are still really good friends. He left to go to basic training for the Marine Corps in June. 

So I got a letter from him this last week, and I was super excited because I was really getting impatient of waiting. Yes, it's not good to be impatient but the waiting was definitely worth it because I received AMAZING news from him. 

He wrote to me that he has found Jesus Christ. 

For months, I have been praying for him that someday he would find Jesus in his heart and my prayers were answered by this letter. I was literally in shock by this awesome news, and it just shows that God will answer prayers when it is the best time. I can't wait for him to come home really soon so I can see this man of God he has become. 

I just had to share this with you all. Hope that it brightens up your day, because it brightens mine everyday. =)

Peace.Love.Happiness.Smiles

SammyJane <3